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Below our Mentors answer this question:
When custody disputes are motivated by financial concerns (i.e. child support calculation) how do we best address this?
Commissioner Glenn P. Oleon, Retired
Parents always (well, maybe not always, but certainly often) say that the other parent’s motivation for seeking “equal custody” or increased visitation is to decrease their child support obligation. While it is not always easy to discern whether or not a custody request is financially motivated, in my experience I have to say that financial concerns are rarely the primary driving force (and never the exclusive motivation) behind seeking more custodial time.
That being said, there are certainly many cases in which financial concerns are a significant motivating factor behind custody modification requests. I tend to see this in particular where the parent is seeking a modification of both custodial time and child support in the same proceeding, especially when that party is requesting significantly more parenting responsibilities than they have sought or exercised in the past.
One technique that has frequently been successful is to have the parties agree to calculate child support by using either the existing timeshare or an agreed timeshare percentage, irrespective of what the actual timeshare turns out to be; this separates the questions of child support and timeshare percentage. A second similar technique is to resolve the child support issue first, totally divorcing it from the question of custodial timeshare. Third is to handle the two issues the “right” way by first focusing exclusively on the children’s best interests irrespective of any financial consequences and then calculating child support after the custody issues have been totally resolved; while this does not address the parties’ sometimes inappropriate motivations, at least it seeks to assure that improper motives do not sway the outcome to the children’s detriment.
Dr. Matthew Sullivan
As a psychologist, while this issue is not explicitly in my scope of expertise, it’s important to call out the impact of financial issues explicitly in my role as mediator, child custody evaluator or parenting coordinator. This impact occurs when a parent’s rationale for a position expressed as “in the best interest of a child” – most commonly justifying a timeshare proposal – is clearly not supported by the social science literature as they relate to the facts of the case. An example might be a newly separated full-time working father of a one year old, who is proposing having an equal amount of overnights when his coparent has been a stay-at home, full-time caregiver who is still nursing the child (I know this example is a little extreme, but it makes the point). The mental health professional’s discussion with that father about child development, special needs, and other psycho-social issues is the best way to confront this understandable, but problematic motivation. Another example is when disputes occur about activities that require the shared participation of the parents for the child to be involved (e.g., sports, music, camps). The agreement to involve the child in such activities must include a detailed and comprehensive plan about how expenses will be shared. Without such attention to the financial details, the child’s participation can be negatively impacted by disputes that arise as the agreement is implemented.
Attorney Mike Kretzmer
Even when unspoken, how often do we sit with clients that we just know, even when they cannot say it, want to drive that child support number down? There are more than a few times when I have wanted to tell my client, “Just Say It!!! You want more custody so you can lower your child support payment, don’t you? Let’s just get it out there.” So, how do you handle this?
Except in those cases involving the fabulously wealthy, I emphasize the following:
- I show my clients using DissoMaster or another calculator we may be using how modest most incremental changes in the percentage of custody affect the bottom line amount of child support they pay. It is helpful to run schedules with different custodial percentages to help clients see the real differences in the child support calculations.
- After showing them the DissoMaster alternatives, if that does not convince them not to demand a boatload more custody for the wrong reasons, I talk to them about how much it will cost them to fight about it. This will of course often outweigh the child support at issue. Isn’t it better for the kids to get the funds than the attorneys? I also let my clients know how much bench officers dislike parents who want to litigate the issue when it is pretty clear that why they are doing so has no bearing at all on the best interests of the child(ren).
- I also talk to my clients about the “be careful what you wish for” scenario. Suppose the court grants you all this time you want, are you really going to be able to exercise that custodial time? Judges don’t like parents who “over-promise” what they can do in terms of custody. Making a promise to be the ever-present parent and then finding out you cannot realistically keep the commitment is not a good look. Disappointing the children and the Court is not a good idea.
- My own bias is that the quality of the time spent with the kids is worth everything. Don’t get greedy to grab every possible hour of the day to have custody (or “parenting time” for the tragically hip among you). Make sure the time you do have is the best spent part of yours and your child’s day, week, or month. Quality is as important as quantity here.